Inside a client session: How to get the info you need without defending your competence

Ever feel defensive when someone tells you you’re not doing something correctly? Especially when you’re new to the game or to a particular challenge and you’re trying really hard to figure it out?

Or how about when you’re making an argument, and someone starts poking all sorts of holes in it? Is your impulse to defend your position or prove your point even harder?

If so, you’re not alone! In fact, my brilliant client (we’ll call her Megan for privacy’s sake) came to me with this exact dilemma.

She’s an attorney at a firm in NYC. She’s somewhat new to the firm, but not new to the trade.

Heading into our session, I knew she’d been feeling misunderstood. She felt like she was rubbing people the wrong way in certain interactions, but couldn’t put her finger on why.

As an example, she told me that earlier that day, she handed a document to her colleague to file. That colleague took one look at the doc and said: “That’s not the way things are done.” And then with a patronizing laugh she continued, “And I’ve never seen it done like that.”

Caught off guard, Megan replied: “Oh, that’s always how I’ve done it.”

To which her colleague responded: “Not here.” 

Watch this 5-minute clip from our virtual session to find out how we:

1. Broke down this interaction from a fresh perspective
2. Practiced applying a powerful communication tool Megan can’t wait to use next time she feels that very natural impulse to defend her competence or prove a point.

Short on time? Fast forward to 2:55 to watch Megan summarize the key strategies we covered.

Once you’ve watched, ask yourself:

How can you use this communication tool in your world? How might it help you get the info or support you need without feeling like you need to defend or prove yourself?

And if some part of you feels like you could use the kind of coaching Megan benefited from—to work through the communication dynamics and dilemmas in your life—don’t hesitate to contact us. It’d be my honor to support you in any way I can.

Thanks as always for tuning in. A huge shout out to Megan for her willingness to break down this uncomfortable interaction, build new skills, and share her “aha” moments with all of you.

Keep showing up as the you, you most want to be. We’re here cheering you on every step of the way.

All my love,